Money is imaginary, and yet we imagine the worst possible version. As we all agree to pretend that swapping numbers on a computer, or paper and metal in person, makes sense as a transaction for goods, we also for some reason pretend that said goods get more expensive. As a result of this, Games Workshop is putting its…
Just days after Redfall’s one-year anniversary, Microsoft has announced it’s shutting down the studio behind it, Arkane Austin, and ending all further development on the vampire shooter. That includes its promised Hero DLC which some fans already paid for in the $100 Bite Back edition of the Xbox console exclusive.
Just days after Redfall’s one-year anniversary, Microsoft has announced it’s shutting down the studio behind it, Arkane Austin, and ending all further development on the vampire shooter. That includes its promised Hero DLC which some fans already paid for in the $100 Bite Back edition of the Xbox console exclusive.
When The Crow emerged thirty years ago, it changed how audiences could perceive graphic novel adaptations. It was dark, gritty, violent, and well ahead of its time. On top of that, it had one of the best soundtracks of the decade. However, it also spawned some pretty bad sequels. After the release of the last one two decades ago, it seemed just as long for a remake of the original to come to fruition, with multiple actors and directors coming and going. Finally, after all that time, we got to see exactly what The Crow would look like in 2024. The reactions have been, well, let’s just say a little more less than enthused. But what if I told you there was one you probably forgot about? One that has the most bonkers casting out of the entire franchise. One that misses the mark by such a wide margin that it will make the new SoundCloud Crow look revolutionary. I’m Mike Conway for JoBlo Horror, and I’m going to talk about all of this and more as we go back to 2005 with The Crow: Wicked Prayer (watch it HERE) today on Horror Party Movies.
Wicked Prayer follows the story of Jimmy Cuervo, a former convict struggling to make ends meet in a contaminated mining town nestled within a reservation, who teeters on the brink of completing his probation. Dreaming of a fresh start with his beloved Lily, he plans to bid farewell to the town’s woes. However, his aspirations are shattered when Luc Crash and Lola Byrne, leaders of a local Satanic biker gang, execute Jimmy and Lily in a ritual aimed at summoning the Antichrist. Reanimated by the Crow’s mystical intervention, Jimmy embarks on a solitary quest for retribution. His path inexorably converges with El Nino, the gang’s enigmatic leader, as he seeks to avenge the heinous acts perpetrated against him and his love. Sounds awesome, right? Oh boy, just you wait.
So, how “party” is this movie? According to my scale, this hits the top of the charts as one of the partiest of them all. And as always, I’ll be making a drink to tie in with the movie. And I’ll show you how to make it. Trust me, you’re going to need it.
WICKED PALOMA
2 OZ TEQUILA
½ OZ JALAPENO SIMPLE SYRUP
3 OZ GRAPEFRUIT SODA
3/4 OZ LIME JUICE
TAJIN RIM
“Do people ever really play the drinking game?” You’ll need to with this one. Honestly, you could just settle for several cervezas.
THE RULES
As with any game, there are some basic rules you can follow or modify. For today’s game, take a drink when:
A crow appears onscreen.
Every time there is a flashback.
When Danny Trejo does his Crow dance
When Dennis Hopper says “shorty”
With any kill
If alcohol isn’t your bag, there are plenty of other things to choose from. Cannabis, if legal in your state, delta 8, 9, 10, or whatever the hell number they’re at now, caffeine, hot sauce, anything. Just know your tolerance. This is supposed to be fun; we don’t want to send you to the hospital. Basically, don’t be a dumbass.
So, does The Crow: Wicked Prayer cross the “so bad, it’s good” line? Screw the cocktail, gather some friends, crack open some cheap beer, and let’s dive right into this piece of shit.
The movie starts immediately trying to be a Robert Rodriguez flick, complete with zoom-ins and a southwestern-type score. We also get introduced to the movie’s villains, as if it were a cut scene from a video game. Yeah, it tells you their names, but trust me, you won’t remember them. But for the sake of following along, they are named after the four horsemen, and I’m not talking about Flair, the Andersons, and Blanchard. There’s Famine, War, and Pestilence. And they’re here for one thing only: Revenge. Revenge of what exactly? I don’t know. Anyway, these dudes, along with a woman named Lola Byrne, infiltrate a prison cleanup crew and free their leader and the most handsome prisoner you’ll ever see, Luc Crash. After pretending to set a priest on fire, Luc turns to Lola to pop the question. Sorry, filmmakers, but there’s only room for one Crash and Burn in this town. Hackers of the world unite!
We then meet Jimmy Cuervo, who lives in a dump of a trailer and is just trying to get by. However, in this town, everyone around him thinks he killed someone and treats him like trash. One person who doesn’t believe a word of this nonsense is Lilly, Jimmy’s girlfriend. After giving a speech about the legend of the crow, out of fucking nowhere, at her father’s blueprint of a casino unveiling, Jimmy tells her his parole will be up at midnight, and he wants them both to leave town. Something tells me to doubt it.
Later that day, Jimmy suits up with some fresh roses and an engagement ring and bikes down to Lilly’s work, looking like Billy the Puppet from Saw. However, when he gets there, he’s greeted by Lola and the rest of the gang. They wrap a noose around Jimmy and Lilly and take out Lilly’s eyes before hanging them both. Luc then performs a Mortal Kombat fatality on Jimmy by removing his heart. After some satanic chanting, the number of the beast appears on Luc’s chest.
Okay, that’s enough with the summary. if you’ve seen even one of these movies, you know where this will go from here. But this entire plot is so jumbled. There’s something about a town of miners, a casino being built, a dude trying to be the antichrist, and apparently, Jimmy killed somebody. Honestly, for a bit, I had no idea what the fuck was going on because I was accidentally watching this with the Italian track. I was like, they must be going for some spaghetti western vibe…for TEN MINUTES! Look, I’m not a dumbass. I’ve heard this was really bad, so I just thought there was bad dubbing in Spanish. I didn’t know it was Italian. I took German in high school. Anyway, I went back, started it over, and laughed just as hard at the awful dialogue. Good god.
Before I get right into how bad this thing is, I want to start with some positives.I appreciated how this film took a complete 180 from the others by placing it in a desert setting instead of the dark gothic city vibes from the previous films. I mean, if you’re going to tell the same story, try to make it different, I guess. Another positive is casting Edward Furlong as the lead. If you’re like me and skipped this movie when it came out solely because Eddie F was on that horrendous cover, then you’ll be pleased to know he does a great job. Despite the dumb shit written for him, he at least gives it his all and never looks bored. When I was a kid in the 90s, this dude was the coolest. T2, Pet Sematary 2, Brainscan, Pecker, Detroit Rock City. The guy owned, but the fact that he was cast in a direct-to-video Crow sequel was laughable. Nonetheless, he rocked. I can’t say the same for his barber, though. That’s all the positives I can give this. Crack open another one, and let’s get into the fun stuff.
First, let’s talk about how completely random and bonkers the cast is. Apart from John Conner, Kid Part II, David Boreanaz now playing Death, and freaking Dennis Hopper. How the hell did they agree to this script? Mind you, three people wrote this. The script tries its best to sound poetic but delivers some of the most asinine and laughable dialogue. And one of those dudes behind this dumpster fire wrote and directed Six String Samurai. What? Never heard of this obscure film from the 90s? Jesus, now I’m sounding like a hipster.
First, we have Boreanez fresh off of Angel. More like fresh off of angel dust because this dude looks like he snorted a huge line before every take. It’s the kind of commitment to a role that would make Nic Cage say, “Whoa, buddy, take it down a notch.” This is seriously a movie where the gangs for Satan chill and eat deviled eggs. Then you have Tara Reid. Poor Tara Reid. I don’t think she’s a bad actress at all, so I have no idea why the hell she succumbs to the world of D-List movies. Looking at her filmography, it looks like it all started with this one. Her character makes no sense. First, she’s down with Satan, and then she’s down with the Jesus. Unfortunately, she comes off as bored, and there are some areas where she looks like she made a mistake being in this.
Then, we have the most completely out-of-left-field casting I’ve ever seen. Dennis Hopper. He plays the head of the order, El Nino. However, when his name comes out of his mouth, he sounds like that drunk relative at a party who’s kinda racist and tries to say something Spanish. Hopper was a legend, and I’m willing to bet he knew what movie he was in and just there to collect a check. But damn, that doesn’t mean we get anything lazy from him. Hearing him call women “shortys” had me rolling the entire time. Especially when he performs the wedding ceremony for Lola and Luc, who is now Lucifer… don’t ask.
I spoke about how great Furlong was as an actor, but something changes when he becomes The Crow. It’s not his fault. For instance, he puts his crow makeup on with a sharpie and looks like he has shopped the clearance section of Hot Topic. The action, or lack thereof, is comically absurd to the point where the hits look more believable during a pro wrestling match. And even though the final showdown between Luc and Jimmy at least has some style, it all gets ruined by a single line uttered by Jimmy. “Quoth the Raven Nevermore, motherfucker.” This is that type of golden cheese you’ll find throughout this movie. Hey, at least Furlong has something in common with Reid: they both were in Uwe Boll films. Here’s hoping Eddie gets a career resurgence.
Lastly, I have to mention Danny Trejo. I have no idea why this character is important to the story other than this one single scene. He’s the father of Lilly and has been on the hunt for her killer, whom he still believes is Jimmy. But when he realizes Jimmy is The Crow, and the actual crow dies, Trejo removes his shirt to show us all his tats and performs the silliest resurrection dance.
Really, the level of ridiculousness in this movie is so high that it would take as long as the film itself to talk about it. The movie came out in 2005 straight to video, with a 0 on Rotten Tomatoes. It was the final film of the series until recently, with the remake. I know people are getting mad about the new one. “They’re shitting on Brandon’s legacy by making him Eric Draven.” Don’t forget they already shat on that in 1998 with The Crow: Stairway to Heaven. One thing is for certain: as bad as the sequels are, The Crow: Wicked Prayer kept me entertained throughout its entire runtime. Grab some of your best friends, and have a blast with it.
A couple previous episodes of the Best Horror Party Movies series can be seen below. To see more, and to check out some of our other shows, head over to the JoBlo Horror Originals YouTube channel – and subscribe while you’re there!
The post The Crow: Wicked Prayer (2005) Revisited – Horror Party Movies appeared first on JoBlo.
The creepiness and kookiness that became Netflix‘s new hit show and solidified Jenna Ortega as the next big thing has started production for season 2. The streaming giant has announced the commencement of filming for Wednesday in Ireland with a cast photo and news of added cast members. Fan-favorite Thing delivered new scripts to the cast on set – you can view the video HERE. Thing also takes center stage on Netflix’s newly launched Tik Tok channel, aka “Thing Tok,” dedicated to all things Wednesday from Thing’s unique perspective.
Some of the actors who appeared in season one have been upgraded to series regulars, including Catherine Zeta-Jones, Luis Guzmán, Isaac Ordonez and Luyanda Unati Lewis-Nyawo. New series regulars also include Steve Buscemi (The Big Lebowski, Boardwalk Empire), Billie Piper (Scoop, I Hate Suzie), Evie Templeton (Return to Silent Hill, Lord of Misrule), Owen Painter (Tiny Beautiful Things, The Handmaid’s Tale) and Noah Taylor (Law & Order: Organized Crime, Park Avenue). The guest stars for season 2 will include the original Fester from the 90s movies Christopher Lloyd (Addams Family, Back to the Future), Joanna Lumley (Fool Me Once, Absolutely Fabulous), Thandiwe Newton (Westworld, Crash), Frances O’Connor (The Missing, The Twelve), Haley Joel Osment (The Kominsky Method, Somebody I Used to Know), Heather Matarazzo (The Princess Diaries, Scream) and Joonas Suotamo.
Wednesday‘s Creators/Writers/ Showrunners Al Gough and Miles Millar have expressed their excitement of this upcoming season, saying, “We are thrilled that the entire Addams family will be enrolling in Nevermore Academy this season along with a dream cast of icons and new faces.” The first season of Wednesday consisted of eight episodes. The show comes to us from Millar Gough Ink, Tim Burton Productions, Toluca Pictures, and MGM Television, and is described as “a comedic, supernaturally-infused coming-of-age series that follows the teenage girl’s years as a student at Nevermore Academy, where she attempts to master her emerging psychic ability, thwart a monstrous killing spree that has terrorized the town, and solve a mystery that embroiled her parents 25 years ago — all while navigating her new relationships at Nevermore. Snap snap.”
The post Wednesday Season 2 starts production in Ireland with added cast members appeared first on JoBlo.
You play a good game, boy, but the game is finished. Now you…pop? Funko will be adding a crucial figure from horror history to its lineup, as Phantasm’s The Tall Man has been announced to receive the Pop! treatment. This is a real treat for fans for a number of reasons, the primary one being that there are actually very few licensed Tall Man properties on the market.
Funko is certainly no stranger to giving horror icons their Pop! due, with genre staples like Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger, Chucky, Leatherface, and more all part of the vinyl toy collection. With Phantasm’s The Tall Man joining the Funko family soon, it shows the company going for a deeper cut aimed at a less marketable series.
While Phantasm has seen five movies released from 1979 to 2016, there has only been one notable figure of The Tall Man in that time. That one came from NECA, which the company released in 2005 as part of their Cult Classics line. That 7” figure came with an “evil minion” and his famed sentinel, which Funko has also included in The Tall Man’s hand. (Middle of Beyond has also taken to the Phantasm franchise, releasing an awesome – and heavy – ornament that is an essential for any horror fan’s tree.) Other details are definitely strong on this Pop!, with The Tall Man sporting a raised eyebrow, combed-back hair and trademark mortician outfit.
Phantasm celebrates its 45th anniversary this year, making this a fitting tribute to one of the great horror films of the late 1970s. It’s also a nice homage to The Tall Man portrayer Angus Scrimm, who passed away in 2016, the same year as his final performance as the character in Phantasm: Ravager. Now, if we can just get a Mike Pearson…
Hopefully this Tall Man Funko can bring even more awareness to the Phantasm franchise, which doesn’t have the following of some of the aforementioned properties, partly because the sequels are lacking. But it might take a little more than its current fanbase and sales of a 4” vinyl figure to get that video game moving…
Will you be adding The Tall Man to your Funko Pop! horror collection?
The post Phantasm’s The Tall Man getting Funko Pop! figure appeared first on JoBlo.
Xbox is shutting down four studios in its first-party stable, specifically ones that fall under the Bethesda/ZeniMax umbrella. The brutal cuts will affect Redfall developer Arkane Austin, Hi-Fi Rush developer Tango Gameworks, and Mobile Doom developer Alpha Dog Games. ZeniMax subsidiary Roundhouse Games will be…
Xbox is shutting down four studios in its first-party stable, specifically ones that fall under the Bethesda/ZeniMax umbrella. The brutal cuts will affect Redfall developer Arkane Austin, Hi-Fi Rush developer Tango Gameworks, and Mobile Doom developer Alpha Dog Games. ZeniMax subsidiary Roundhouse Games will be…
Hades 2, surprise-released into Early Access May 6, has no shortage of challenges. Even with the help of the mighty Olympians and a strike of luck with loot during runs, bosses are likely to put a stop to your ventures until you’ve familiarized yourself with their attacks.
Hades 2, surprise-released into Early Access May 6, has no shortage of challenges. Even with the help of the mighty Olympians and a strike of luck with loot during runs, bosses are likely to put a stop to your ventures until you’ve familiarized yourself with their attacks.