The episode of What Happened to This Horror Movie? covering Blade: Trinity was Written by Mike Holtz, Narrated by Tyler Nichols, Edited by Paul Bookstaber, Produced by Andrew Hatfield and John Fallon, and Executive Produced by Berge Garabedian.

You know that scene in Ted where he’s in the bathtub trying to get Mark Wahlberg to come over because he has the Cheers DVD box set and everyone is talking sh*t about each other during the interviews? Well that’s Friday the 13th documentary Crystal Lake Memories…..but it’s also today’s video about Blade Trinity….where we breakdown a long and twisted story that involves a director hiring a biker gang to protect him from his lead actor, the possible birth of Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool, and multiple lawsuits. Thank goodness all this ended up producing a universally loved Blade sequel we can all enjoy for years to come. That was a lie. And this is just what the f*ck happened to Blade Trinity.

After the success of the first two Blade films, New Line Cinema had no qualms with hiring their writer, David S. Goyer to both Produce and write the next installment. In fact, they agreed to do so before Blade II had even officially released. Although, a darker pitch involving Blade III picking up after the vampires had already take over and enslaved humans was allegedly rejected for being “too dark”. Goyer has had a wild writing career in Hollywood. Some would even say his body of work is the sole proof that both greatness and tragedy can coexist inside of one man. A career that began with…of all things…Jean Claude Van Damme’s Death Warrant in 1990, would go on to include classics The Dark Knight and Dark City. But is also guilty of writing….well, Blade Trinity. Being two for two with Blade and an integral part of creating one of the earliest r rated….f*ck that….earliest overall succesful superhero films ever, made Goyer a no brainer for Blade III.

Goyer would eventually be selected as the director as well, although at the time, he had only one other directing credit to his name in 2002’s Zig Zag starring John Leguizamo and would you look at that? Wesley Snipes. You would think Snipes would be happy with Goyer’s directorial choice but we’ll have oh, so much more on that later. But I’ll give you a hint: Snipes was indeed NOT happy. He also wasn’t happy with the original choice for director, Oliver Hirschbiegel, but that didn’t matter because the director ultimately chose to direct another film instead: Oscar nominated 2004 German film Downfall, about Hitler. *Record scratch* Imagine almost not directing an Oscar nominated film to direct Blade: Trinity. And you just KNOW everyone told him he was crazy at the time. Do you think he wakes up in the middle of the night and just laughs like a school girl while an awesome wave of relief rushes over him? I would. Legend has it the director of the original Blade, Stephen Norrington, was considering returning for the third film in the franchise but wasn’t a fan of the script. Guillermo Del Toro of Blade II was considered, but then Hellboy happened and David S. Goyer was left holding the bag of wonder that was Blade Trinity.

With Wesley Snipes being a given to return as the titular character (or so we thought, more on that later), as well as his sidekick and mentor, Kris Kristofferson as Whistler, it was time to round out the cast. Starting with Ryan Reynolds as the character plucked out of the comic books and given a re-imagined story: Hannibal King. In the comics, King had first appeared in The Tomb of Dracula issue #25 in 1974. He was a private detective bitten and turned by Stephen Dorff; I mean Deacon Frost. In the comics, though bitten, he was so disgusted with Vampires that he vowed to never consume live human blood and lived off blood banks and animals. Which, ends up saving his life when he, Dr. Strange, and Blade team up to end all of the vampires on earth after Strange reads a passage from an occult book called “Darkhold”. Dr. Strange then gives King a blood transfusion, effectively making him a “neo-vampire” who doesn’t need blood to survive, but merely craves it. Then….look….A LOT happens in the comic books. But here, King is just a wise cracking, weird bearded, but still Ryan Reynolds right around the time of Amityville Horror mix of handsome and jacked and what were we talking about again I just get lost in his abs, I mean eyes. Speaking of which seem to have a lot of mascara on them in this movie? A lot of choices. A lot of choices were made on the set of Blade: Trinity.

Reynolds was at a strange place in a career that had not yet seen the likes of Deadpool or his performance in the film Buried that had garnered him so much respect for his dramatic acting abilities. He was more known for the hilarious roles he played in raunchy comedies Van Wilder and Buying the Cow. Though I will say he was underrated in the kickass and mostly unknown Finder’s Fee alongside Matthew Lillard. Just throwing out movie recommendations here.

Blade Trinity would be one of Reynolds first forays into a serious, “badass” type of character and it was….at times awkward. But still yet, there was plenty of wise-ass comedy in his role as Hannibal King. So much so that it is said a producer told Reynolds at the time, “Trust me, if they ever make a movie about Deadpool, you’re the only guy who can play Deadpool” and even sending him the copy Deadpool #2 (which hilariously references Ryan Reynolds) that made Reynolds fall in love with the character. So, basically what we’re saying is that if you don’t have butt rock Ryan Reynolds as Hannibal King, delivering what were, to be fair, all timer lines like “c*ck juggling thunder-c*nt” or “horse humping b*tch”, you don’t get Deadpool.

Here, King may have had a magic tongue, definitely other ways for me to have worded that, but he did not possess the vampire abilities he did in the comics. Though he was a vampire previously after being turned by Danica Talos, before being cured by the same antidote as Blade, and ultimately joining a group called the Nighstalkers. Which Blade thought was silly as sh*t. Or was that Wesley Snipes? Who knows. More on that later.

Another member of the Nighstalkers and star of Blade Trinity is Jessica Biel as Whistler’s daughter, Abigail Whistler. Who really, really f*cking loves to listen to music while she fights vampires. Don’t worry though, this wasn’t shameless Apple Product Placement at all. As a matter of fact, Apple didn’t even loan the products to the production. Instead offering a 60% discount to have their products appear in the many, many slow motion moments of Jessica Biel kicking ass. To be fair, none of this is Biel’s fault, who looked believable and downright intimidating beating vampire ass throughout, ruining their tour. Their world tour. She went through rigorous training for the role and was quite believable amidst the slow motion shots, laser-weapons, and techno music. She had gotten so good at her handling of a bow and arrow that at one point, when directed to shoot towards a camera lens, she actually hit it, breaking a $300,000 dollar camera. A shot included in the DVD special features. Still yet, all this effort didn’t stop the marketing team from accidentally calling her Jessica Alba in one of the films advertisements. To be fair, we’ve all done it.

The aforementioned Danica Talos, who turned King after in his words he picked up in a bar and then spent “five years playing hide-and-go-suck as her little vampire cabana boy”, is played by Parker Posey who you may notice from Scream 3, or Josie and the Pussycats. Though, no one would blame you if you couldn’t make her out amidst those atrociously over-sized fake vampire teeth they had her wearing. She had a blast playing the role however, hilariously saying, “I came here to do something fun and stupid and big budget and I don’t normally get to do that kind of thing. Don’t have the boobs for it, you know? So, I’m just showing up….saying my lines….having fun with it. And Wesley isn’t”…..again….so much more on that later.

Alongside Posey, the c*ck juggling thunder c*nt himself (definitely wanna bleep those out, lol), Jarko Grimwood, played by legendary WWE wrestler Triple H. He mostly just runs around making big, not-scary vampire faces and getting made fun of. But he did an admirable enough job that the production was impressed with him, to the point they insisted more lines be added to the script for his character.

The main bad guy is of course the character of Drake, or Dracula himself, if Dracula were pulled straight out of a Creed music video (one of the bad ones) Okay, Creed didn’t deserve that. Neither did actor Dominic Purcell, but here we are.

The rest of the cast is chock full of notable faces from John Michael Higgins as Dr. Edgar Vance to James Remar, Patton Oswalt, and even American Pie’s Natasha Lyonne as Sommerfield….the Nightstalker’s blind-lady-in-the-chair.

So, with these players on the chess board, David S. Goyer crafted a story that honestly started out with an interesting premise in a Jason Goes To Hell sort of way. I mean, they both went to hell after their opening scenes, sure. But there are other similarities as well.

After a group of vampires unearth Dracula, they decide to turn the public against Blade by goading him into murdering a human on live TV. In case you didn’t get the idea, here’s a shot of Parker Posey standing on a building like Batman, filming Blade with a local TV camera the size of a Rottweiler. Because….because Blade Trinity. What makes this interesting is that it turns the public against Blade and the FBI end up raiding him and killing Whistler. Blade is so dejected in this moment he puts his sword down and allows himself to be arrested. It’s pretty heartbreaking to watch.

The Nighstalkers then break him out in what I can only surmise is supposed to be a Matrix-esque shoot out scene, and he makes fun of them for a few minutes in a very rude fashion that feels personal. Almost like Wesley Snipes was just talking about his feelings, before teaming up with them to take down Drake. Along the way, Blade shows off his dad skills and even stops a human Capri-Sun factory, before a legendary battle ensues between Blade and the shockingly badass looking final form of Dracula. Meanwhile, King and Whistler deal with the rest of the vampires, including actual vampire dogs.

Drake is so impressed with Blade’s fighting ability, he Predator-style offers a parting gift to Blade, shapeshifting himself into a doppelganger of Blade to allow him time to escape. In an alternate, unrated version of the film, this doesn’t happen. Instead, when Blade is brought in for an autopsy, his eyes awaken and he attacks the shit out of everyone, the scene ending with him standing over a scared, innocent woman. It’s dark!

In another alternate ending that’s dark for a completely different reason, we see the Nightcrawlers hunting down a werewolf in a casino. In the final shot King cocks his Looney Tunes weapon and quips, “Don’t you know fur is murder?” before firing as the screen turned black. Believe me when I tell you it makes the joke trailers in Tropic Thunder look like Top Gun: Maverick on ice. It’s haunting.

While filming this assorted box of what the f*cks there were some moments that were just as haunting for the cast and crew. Goyer would describe his time directing his second ever film as “the most personally and professionally difficult and painful thing I’ve ever been through.” And he wrote Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance.

Snipes allegedly wasn’t a fan of taxes, the script, or Goyer’s direction. According to actor Patton Oswalt, who says David S. Goyer agrees with him, “If you watch Blade Trinity it’s a D minus, it just doesn’t work. But if you know what they went through to get that movie made? It is an A plus. The fact that movie exists puts it above Citizen Kane”. Oswalt went on to joke that Snipes would only answer to the name Blade, as he was method acting, and would only communicate with the director via Post-it notes….hilariously signed Blade. Oswalt would also claim that Snipes would sit in his trailer smoking weed all day and would only show up on set to shoot his close ups, letting his doubles handle the rest.

It has to be noted here that Snipes denied these allegations in a 2018 interview with Vice.com where he said, “look at the source of information”. He did admit to communicating via Post-it notes to Director David S. Goyer but said he did so, “Because our whole crew was banished to another side of the island of production.”

This may or not have been a reaction to an alleged incident where Snipes threatened the director and accused him of racism, again according to Oswalt in a 2012 interview with the AV Club, who said there was a day on set where every actor was allowed to pick their clothes and a black actor who was supposed to play a “club kid”, decided to wear a shirt that said “Garbage”. I’m presuming it was the 90’s “I’m only happy when it rains”, rock band. According to Oswalt, Snipes saw the shirt and told Goyer, “There’s only one other black guy in the movie, and you make him wear a shirt that says ‘Garbage?’ You racist motherf*cker.’ Before attempting to strangle the director.

Snipes would also deny this and go a step further, saying, “If I had tried to strangle David Goyer, you probably wouldn’t be talking to me now. A Black guy with muscles strangling the director of a movie is going to jail, I guarantee you. … Did I go to jail for strangling him? Never happened.”

Oswalt went on to claim that after the event, while out for drinks, Goyer had to hire a group of bikers from a bar to provide protection to him on set the next day.

SPIN writer Chris Parry, who visited the set also claims an anonymous crew member with an executive position on the film told him that Snipes referred to Ryan Reynolds as “that cracker” for much of the set, and to Biel as “that girl”.

You may have noticed Ryan Reynolds character Hannibal King’s many ad-libs in the film, many of which were allegedly him just throwing shit at the wall (the wall being Wesley Snipes or his stand in) and having the camera pan back to Snipes lack of response. Which allegedly, the crew was doing just to try and get some kind of response out of Snipes on set. Which, you can kind of hilariously see playing out in the film once you have that knowledge.

So looking at it from the other side of the prism, while in no way justifying it….if Snipes WAS being a d*ck? It kind of led to Deadpool….right? And in turn led to him showing up in Deadpool and Wolverine which….wait a second….was that Ryan Reynolds’ way of saying ‘thank you’ for helping create Deadpool? Or am I just a motherf*cker trying to ice skate uphill?

For what it is worth, Reynolds (albeit while still promoting Blade Trinity) said it was all ‘overblown’ but did admit to Snipes method acting throughout the shoot (something Snipes has denied but everyone on set says happened), telling IGN in 2004: “It’s always overblown. My personality is the polar opposite of Wesley. I never met Wesley, I only met Blade, and he is a method actor.” He went on to say he has the “utmost respect” for that, regardless, but also admitting he wasn’t sure if he ever broke him, saying, “No, I don’t know if I ever got him to laugh, the guy’s Blade”, and “It was a challenging process. I’ve never experienced anything like that.” Also mentioning that the ad libbed line, “you might want to try blinking once in a while”, led to Blade staring at him like “he’s gonna turn me into ass pulp”.

In the same interview Reynolds mentioned he was signed on to do a Nightstalker’s spin-off depending on the success of Blade which is….well, we know how that turned out.

Anways, on all this Goyer himself offered a diplomatic response, saying, “Let’s just say I have tremendous respect for Wesley as an actor. He used to be a friend. We’re not friends anymore. I am friends with Patton and I worked with Patton since so … I don’t think anyone involved in that film had a good experience on that film, certainly I didn’t.”. For what it’s worth Snipes also said of Goyer, “I don’t fault him. I don’t fault anybody. That’s just what it was, man.”

Anywho, it all gets worse before it gets better. While Snipes admitted in the aforementioned Vice interview that he never wanted to really make Blade III anyway, saying that the studio tried to recast the role when he didn’t want to do it; He ended up suing New Line Cinema, David S. Goyer, and executive producer Toby Emmerich seeking more than $5 million in damages. In the lawsuit, Snipes claimed that everything from the director to the supporting cast was forced upon him, he was still owed money for the film, and that he was harassed and defamed because of his race. Going back to t-shirts….Snipes also claimed that Goyer refused to discipline a crew member who wore a racially discriminatory t-shirt on the set. He claimed the defendants intentionally hired only white people for the film, which led to feelings of isolation and exclusion for Snipes.

Specifically unhappy was Snipes with the script lending Reynolds and Biel’s characters so much screen time, which he believed was done to create spin-offs for others, rather than focus on his character.

As happens so very often in these situations….the suit was settled and no details were released. In 2006, Snipes himself was sued by United Talent Agency for allegedly failing to pay commissions on his earnings.

HOLY HELL, did we cover it all? Not yet! Blade Trinity forced itself upon all of the world on December 8^th of 2004. While the film failed to reach the financial heights of Blade 2, which made $150 million worldwide…..it did manage to pull in $132 million on a budget of $65 million. All this despite understandably negative reviews. We could go through all the mean things critics had to say about Blade Trinity but I’ll let the films own director and writer David Goyer explain, when he says, “I don’t think anybody involved with that film is happy with the results.”

Believe it or not, this story has a happy ending. As you know, Ryan Reynolds recruited Wesley Snipes back for one more(?) ride as Blade in Deadpool and Wolverine….and even posted on an Instagram post after the movie released that, “There is no Fox, Marvel Universe, or MCU without Blade first creating a market. He is Marvel Daddy. Please share for a Logan-like send off.” Noting that he and many other Blade fans would love to see the character be given the proper treatment in another go-round.

Snipes also admitted in his own way why he had such strong feelings during his first encounter with Reynolds, saying, I’m not tuned in that way. So, I thought, “Well, it’s a little over the top for me.” But seeing him do it in this context made a lot of sense. And seeing him do it and do it well, Ryan does something that most people can’t do. He’s unique in that way, and he’s found a fantastic niche for himself doing what he does. Deadpool is Ryan Reynolds all day long. So, it was enjoyable. It was enjoyable to work with him. It was enjoyable to revisit.”

What’s hilarious about the feel good ending to this story is that based on that quote….I’m still not sure Ryan Reynolds ever got Blade to laugh.

And that, my friends, is just what the f*ck happened to Blade Trinity. But seriously….you might want to get out of here. “I ate a lot of garlic….and I just farted.”

A couple of the previous episodes of What Happened to This Horror Movie? can be seen below. To see more, head over to our JoBlo Horror Originals YouTube channel – and subscribe while you’re there!

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