The view from outside of St Peters in Vatican City is just a humble little chimney that juts out from the roof. The world’s eyes are trained on this chimney during the rare occasion of a papal conclave – that is, the closed democratic process of electing a new Pope when the previous one either stands down or snuffs it.

Edward Berger’s Conclave, his follow-up to surprise Oscar darling, All Quiet on the Western Front, proposes two things: that the majority of those men vying for the papacy are self-serving scumbags who are very happy to skim over spiritual doctrine if it means they’ll have a better chance of snatching the top prize; and also, that conclaves are actually not so dissimilar to a vapid, Love Island-type popularity contest in which a fickle electorate can have the mind swayed with the gentlest of prods. Whether either of those things have any foundation in reality is moot, as the film is not interested in questioning the details of this antiquated process, but it is very interested in being a slick, robust thriller with a hot new twist dropping at every ten minute mark.

At the centre of the furore is Ralph Fiennes’ Cardinal Lawrence, a canny backroom operator and papal diplomat whose reluctance to coordinate the conclave stems from recent doubts he’s been having about his faith. These doubts are compounded further when he starts to receive votes to be the guy who wears the big hat. He is known to be one of the more liberal cardinals, and so in his position, he feels it his duty to make sure all the assembled spiritual leaders have all the facts, especially when it comes to the more conservative candidates.

You’ve got vaping hipster Cardinal Tedescso (Sergio Castellitto) who’d welcome a war against Islam; you’ve got Cardinal Adeyemi (Lucian Msamati) whose cool exterior is shattered upon the noting the presence of a particular nun; you’ve got Cardinal Tremblay (John Lithgow) who may have been asked to stand down as the previous Pope’s final request. But then you’ve also got Cardinal Bellini (Stanley Tucci), the ultra-liberal’s choice but who’s reluctant to accept the gig. And then there’s Cardinal Benitez (Carlos Diehz) representing Kabul, whose presence is discovered mere hours before the conclave is set to begin.

The story is adapted from a 2016 Thomas Harris potboiler, and while it delivers on awkward set-tos and inspiring monologues, it sadly has very little to say about the state of the modern church. Complex doctrinal thought is watered down to east-on-the-ear soundbites, and the Lawrence character ends up being closer to a lovable TV sleuth than a member of the holy order.

It’s all competently performed and executed, with loud booms of sound cued to each scene change as an attempt to ramp up the tension, and lots of behind-the-head tracking shots of cardinals anxiously pacing through corridors and stairways. There’s a point about half-way in where things get quite silly, and it’s fairly easy to spot where things are headed.

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